Dates: Mondays 9/14, 9/21, 9/28, 10/5, 10/12, 10/19, 10/26, 11/2, 11/9, 11/16
Times: 12:00pm to 1:30pm Pacific Time Zone
*** Free Session Monday 9/14 click to register here for Zoom ***
Location: Zoom link provided with registration. Zoom sessions main room recorded and available for registered participants through members-only webpage.
Not long ago, I used to get triggered often -- i.e. means that something set me off to react automatically. One day at lunch with colleagues, someone said something I didn't like and I responded in ways that I now regret. At another time in a work meeting, I reacted to hearing opinions that differed from mine. I'm embarrassed to think back to how that may have landed for them. I'm now surprised at how quickly I reacted without thought to the consequences.
After years of personal growth work, coaching and training in Nonviolent Communication, I've synthesized practices that help me stay grounded, present and clear headed. While I still occasionally get triggered, I've noticed the frequency of occurrence is hugely reduced, and my recovery time is much shorter -- within seconds, for most things, and within a day for the big ones. In short, I have tools to stay calm most of the time and to choose how to respond in difficult situations instead of reacting.
My Learning/Facilitation Style:
My offerings and personal NVC practice are inspired by many NVC trainers over 19.5 years; though primarily Marshall Rosenberg, Jim & Jori Manske, Mary Mackenzie and Robert Gonzales.
My active area of research relates to NVC and nature-based depth psychology as described by Bill Plotkin’s book titled “Wild Mind.” I created the “Heart-Canvas” as a tool for self-empathy. I also published a book in 2010 on “The Joy of Compassionate Connecting.”
What I’ve noticed about my learning style is that it follows more of a spiral than a linear process. That means that I find value in trying and experiencing a variety of things, integrating them into my daily practice over time. This includes training with a variety of NVC trainers and other modalities, as everyone seems to provide a unique perspective of our collective "language of life.”
Recognizing that his spiral is common to the learning styles of many others, I find it helpful to define a high-level outline for my classes, let participants try (and sometimes stumble through) a high-level process, and then spend time going deeper into the experience of each step.
For instance, I learned about “Zero Step” and “Layers of Empathy” 10 years ago from Jim & Jori Manske. As I look back at what they were teaching at the time, I now have a deeper appreciation and respect for the gift of those teachings. I’ve internalized much of what I’ve learned through years of practice.
Another example, I experienced first-hand with Marshall Rosenberg the power of presence in empathic role-plays. I shared with him some deep old pain associated with the transition of my primary relationship and becoming a Dad. The experience was so cathartic that I felt a rush of energy released from my body. I’m still integrating that experience, waking up to how my own childhood affected my ability to show up as a partner and father.
The “8-steps to Stop Trigger Bullets” could be seen as that high-level outline for this course. There is so much more to learn, practice and grow behind each one of those steps. The more you practice, the easier and faster it becomes. Like Neo in The Matrix, at some point, it clicks and you’re able to see and stop the trigger bullets for what they are...
Unfortunately, most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand, diagnose, to do things out of guilt/shame, and to think and communicate in terms of what is “right“ or “wrong“ with people. Our "implicit bias" fosters the creation of "enemy images" of those who look and behave differently than us. When un-examined, "implicit bias" results in racism.
We also blame others for our feelings, as if they caused them. Even worse, we might blame ourselves for other people's unpleasant feelings. The habitual ways we think and speak hinder communication, and perpetuate a culture of comparison, guilt/shame and punishment. Without wanting to, even people with the best of intentions generate needless conflict because of the lack of clear boundaries of personal responsibility.
In our culture, we are taught to stuff emotions, to “suck it up” and “be tough” -- we value the intellectual mind while minimizing the sensory information from our bodies. We are often driven to be “selfless” in our giving, to give even when we don’t have resources available, and that our "needs don’t matter;" as a result, we create long lists of expectations of others that bring stress in relationships, all the time we experience disappointment, resentment, and anger without spaces to be heard and understood -- eventually leading to some form of violence to ourselves or others. Over time, this pattern repeats itself until something breaks.
Our own “inner critic” has a tremendous impact on our mood, and we aren’t taught tools for dealing with them. At work especially we are encouraged to wear a mask to pretend everything is okay even when it’s not. Conflict arises when different positions are expressed, people’s emotions get triggered and usually blame others for them. The loudest voices and bigger titles usually win. It isn’t safe to be real; instead we are encouraged to be “nice.”
A New Paradigm:
The inner practice of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) invites us to take personal responsibility for our thoughts, judgments, feelings, needs and to make clear and doable requests. We learn processes for translating our judgments into the heart of our experience. By getting clear on our feelings and needs, we find inner peace, clarity and sense of empowerment.
Communities and organizations that practice NVC have enough emotional safety that difficult conversations happen more frequently with better outcomes.
Universal human needs/values, which are the heart of NVC, include personal needs (e.g. autonomy, mastery, honesty, adventure) as well as interpersonal needs (e.g. caring, consideration, collaboration, community, equity, reciprocity, and forgiveness). Needs are often confused with strategies (what we leverage to meet our needs), resulting in conflict.
This simple -- yet powerful shift in our perspective and habits creates groundedness, self-empowerment and choicefullness -- replacing our tendencies to react impulsively. From a place of self-connection, we are at peace and better able to make choices that contribute to fully living.
NVC is a non-judgmental paradigm of relating that includes introspection, deep listening with empathy, and honest expression. NVC was started by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD in the 1960s. Today, NVC is taught around the world, and has been applied in a wide variety of contexts, including business and nonprofit settings. Formal studies have begun to document the benefits of NVC, which include organizational effectiveness, increased efficiency, and support for individual well-being. For more information, go to CNVC.org
Benefits of 10-week Series:
About the 10-week Series:
We will meet as a group once a week for 1.5 hours. Sessions typically will start with self-connection practices, followed by Zoom breakout rooms of 2-3 people for everyone to check-in. After re-connecting in the larger group, we'll dive into various self-connection practices based on NVC -- there's a combination of structured learning and improv learning through large room and small breakout room practices. All sessions have a retrospective time of celebrations (what worked well) and mournings (what didn't go quite well). Finally, we close out the group with a "check-out" of how we're feeling after spending time together.
Learning Objectives of 10-week Series:
Zoom link provided with registration. Zoom sessions recorded and available for registered participants through members-only webpage.
Note: Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is not therapy -- not a clinical service. Nonviolent Communication is a "language of life" -- reference the book with that title by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD. The purpose of this training is to provide information and practices for NVC self-connection. While you're invited to bring real life triggers, we will only work with feelings of intensity 5 or less out of 10 (being the most intense) -- i.e. not working with trauma. Participants are responsible for their own personal safety.
Requesting $249 for 10 sessions (effectively $25 per session) -- special pricing available for "Low Income/Students". First session is Free. You may also send money through PayPal to firstname.lastname@example.org (as friend to avoid fee), PayPal with a fee, or Venmo @Jaime-Prieto-8.
About the facilitator: Hi, I'm James Prieto. I enjoy facilitating dynamic interactive workshops with experiential learning. I blend structure along with organic back and forth covering the material using improv. I've been practicing NVC since 2002, and have been facilitating NVC since 2005. I received NVC trainer certification from the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) in 2014, which took about 3 years to complete. I've had over 100 days training with experienced teachers Marshall Rosenberg (creator of NVC), Mary Mackenzie, Robert Gonzales, Jim & Jori Manske, Roxy Manning and others as part of my growth journey. NVC is my passion and way of life. I'm dedicated full time to bringing NVC to individuals and organizations in Silicon Valley and online. For more information on my offerings, go to CompassionateConnecting.com
Table of Contents 1. Services Provided 2. Prices And Payment 3. Shipping And Delivery 4. Guarantees And Warranties 5. Returns, Refunds And Complaints 6. Limitation Of Liability 7. Intellectual Property Rights 8. Future Changes 9. Governing Law 1. Services Provided Consulting, Coaching, Training, Facilitation services are provided. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is not therapy -- not a clinical service. Nonviolent Communication is a "language of life" -- reference the book with that title by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD. The purpose of coaching and training is to provide information about NVC related practices. While you may be invited to bring real life situations for practice, we will only work with feelings of intensity 5 or less out of 10 (being the most intense) -- i.e. not working with trauma. Consulting clients, coaching clients and workshop participants are responsible for their own personal emotional safety. 2. Prices And Payment Prices for workshops or events are listed in the website; promotional codes may provide discounts to stated prices. Hourly service prices are negotiated and agreed by all parties and confirmed via email. Payment is expected before the scheduled session begins. Services scheduled may be canceled without penalty if done with 24 hours notice. 3. Shipping And Delivery Not applicable at this time. 4. Guarantees And Warranties No guarantees or warranties are provided. 5. Refunds And Complaints Requests for refunds are handled on a case-by-case basis, in a good-faith effort to acknowledge everyone's needs. Some trainings require changes to be notified some time before the event and are listed in the event description. Complaints should be directed through the Contact form on the home page; the consultant providing the service will communicate in integrity with the values of nonviolent communication (NVC). If an impasse is reached, and the stakes warrant, another NVC mediation will be used to address the complaint. 6. Limitation Of Liability Liability is limited to the cost of the services provided. Not liable for any indirect damages that may occur. 7. Intellectual Property Rights All materials provided in trainings, workshops or coaching sessions are copyrighted and for personal use only. 8. Future Changes From time to time we may change the Terms & Conditions either because of changes in our business, or due to changes in governing law. If you opt-in to the mailing list, any changes will be included at the bottom of the next newsletter. 9. Governing Law These Terms & Conditions follow applicable laws of the City of San Jose, the County of Santa Clara, the State of California, and the United States of America.