Mountain Retreat Celebration and Mourning

I just returned from a retreat in the San Bernadino National Forest in Southern California with about 120 other growth-oriented people. This was the first time in several years that I had attended this retreat. It was interesting for me to observe how differently I was behaving and "showing up" to people compared to my previous experiences. I felt much more alive, spontaneous, and real as I was behaving in ways more consistent with what was going on inside me. I had a lot more fun and experiencing deeper connections than I had in the past with people I had not met before. I really enjoyed the community of participants as everyone seemed open to look at themselves, talk about it, and in some cases take bold steps toward health -- this really met my needs for authenticity, honesty and safety. I enjoyed drumming with others, singing karaoke, dancing at three different times, practicing T'ai Chi Chih, went on a hike, went to various workshops and gatherings, and got a massage. I learned that Empathy is the "Yin" and Honesty is the "Yang" side of Chinese philosophy.

I also presented a couple of workshops titled "Compassionate Connecting" and "Empathy & Honesty". The feedback I received was generally positive; I'm looking forward to reading my feedback forms. I am feeling a great joy at having contributed a new way of communicating to people, and at hearing them express their gratitude. I am celebrating that my needs to contribute, of meaning, community, to be seen, to be heard, and of connection were met.

I am also mourning the connections that I was not able to make, though I look forward to the opportunity to give it another go next time.

I am grateful for the simple gifts that I received, for the authenticity of the people and of the beauty of the natural surroundings which contained us. It felt wonderful to be away from the busyness of the city. Thanks for reading! Would you be willing to "comment" on this post if this stimulated anything in you? This would meet my needs for support and for contributing to building community.

Hiking El Morro Canyon

"Hello" "(hello, hello)" "Is there anybody out there?"

I went on a hike today at El Morro Canyon near Crystal Cove in South Orange County. I was expecting clouds and cold, but I had to put plenty of sunscreen on, as I was gloriously surprised with sun and no clouds. It was beautiful out! I took a few pictures with my phone, as my Nikon is still being repaired... (I'm feeling annoyed and frustrated as I'm wanting to express my creative self through quality pictures, and my phone-cam's colors just don't match reality).

It was interesting to think back on my hike and how different the two halves were. In the first half, I found myself thinking about the connection I was expecting from a friend that canceled at the last minute, and feeling a little bummed about that (a form of sadness, but not as intense). I observed myself thinking of running into people I knew on the trail, and running into strangers instead (the heart, I think is a little funny that way).

On the second half of the hike, I was really soaking in the beauty of the place and noticing all of the details -- all of the life around me and below me. A little green worm caught my eye. It was furiously crossing the trail from left to right (East to West). I was puzzled at how a worm barely an inch long could know where to go, and to risk its life to cross an 8 to 10 foot wide path just to get to the other side -- that's 120 body lengths and its visibility (not sure if it even has eyes) are not even a quarter inch off the ground. I was amazed at how quickly it was moving, and how clearly it seemed to know where to go. How does it know? Does it know?

I also noticed a beetle crossing the path in the same direction, though not as neatly in a straight line -- it was more zig-zagging it's way to the other side. Much more quickly than the worm, but it took many more steps to make the same distance.

I was pretty well captivated by the green of the hills and the occasional patches of flowers. I kept wondering to myself how beautiful everything was, when all of a sudden, the path opened up again around the corner and the blue ocean came into view - it was breath taking. Then, it seemed that I could hear the voice that created the beauty speak as if smiling along with me, and celebrating that I was enjoying it all and listening. I no longer felt alone - cause I wasn't.

Rock Chalk, Jayhawk, KU!

I am celebrating the victory of my "alma mater" the Kansas University (KU) Jayhawks in the NCAA Men's National Championship tonight. I typically don't watch sports on television, since I prefer to actually participate in them. But this year, I was drawn to their basketball team as they advanced through the tournament.

I watched the semi-finals while in Santa Barbara this weekend. It was fun to hang out with my friend Dave, and to meet other Jayhawk fans from around the country. I introduced myself to several of them and we had our own little KU cheering community.

Tonight, I had several friends come over to my place to cheer KU onto victory. It actually looked pretty grim, in the second half with only 2 minutes left, the Jayhawks were down by 9 points. It seemed almost miraculous that we tied and went into overtime. I was ecstatic, excited and happy as our team played so well in the final minutes. I got to jump, yell, whistle, and "high 10" my friends after it was all over. I couldn't believe it!

I enjoy the KU basketball tradition and having the Jayhawk as our mascot, which has come to symbolize spirit of comradeship associated with efforts to keep Kansas a free state during the Civil War. And so, I find myself striving for freedom for myself and others around me, and finding more and more as I get clear on my own reality, and by communicating with others through empathy and honesty. And the freedom, as well as the joy that I feel tonight after sharing an evening with my friends is worth celebrating. I am grateful to live in a home, with basic needs for safety, justice and sustenance met, and wish that the rest of humanity could say the same.

On Prayer

A friend of mine of 10 years recently asked me if I wanted to be his "prayer partner". Since, I've been checking on all of my assumptions this year, I asked him what he meant by that. He said that prayer was his way to acknowledge his connection to God, to give thanks for everything, to acknowledge what was going on in his life, to ask for things that he wanted, and finally to let go of the outcome. By "God", he meant the "divine being" that created him and everything around us.

I was ok with those definitions, but I wanted to clarify a few things with him. I wanted to acknowledge the creator, which gave me the following gifts that I would be using in our prayer time: the power of reason that allows me to make observations and make requests (i.e. the "mind"), and the feelings and needs that were given to me and give me life (i.e. the "heart").

I connect to God through plain-old-conversation, especially by saying what is alive for me in the moment; and he could help me by listening and reflecting what I said (i.e. to give me "empathy"). Then, if he wanted, he could tell me what was stimulated inside him after hearing what I said (i.e. to give me his "honesty"). We could then switch roles.

When I acknowledged things in my life, I might start with an observation of something that happened, and then say how I felt and the need that was associated with the feeling. The feelings are an internal indicator, which tell me if the need is being met or not.

When I asked for things that I wanted, I would be sure to say the need that would be met, and perhaps to suggest a strategy to meet the need.

I have found that it is important to differentiate between the strategy and the need. For example, I've been wanting more connection in my life (i.e. the need is "connection"). There are numerous strategies to meet that need: calling a friend, getting together with a friend, "Skype" a friend, joining an NVC practice group, going out on a date, inviting people over, prayer, meditation, ...

My requests would be clear and present, directed towards God, towards him or others, or towards myself. For example, "would I be willing to call a friend tomorrow morning to set up a lunch date on Tuesday?"

We realized that the concepts behind our descriptions were close. Once we came to an agreement on what prayer was to be for us, I asked him about the "partner" part, and what his expectations might be. He said that he would like to talk at least once a week. I acknowledged his desire for connection, but that I couldn't sign up to a fixed schedule because it would take the joy and spontaneity out of our connection. And, I wouldn't want to make an agreement that I likely would not keep because of my need for integrity and respect. He told me that he was a little confused, so I suggested the following strategy. That he could call me when he felt like praying and/or connecting, and I would answer if I could or get back to him that same day to let him know if I was up to talking; or if I was in the middle of something else, I would suggest a time when we could talk. Then he would let me know if that worked for him.

This seemed to work for us, so we agreed to do it. Funny thing is that we have been doing it this way already. This verse came to mind:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."