Dancing Jackals Away

Two Saturdays ago, I was invited to go dancing and was surprised at my experience. The dance form is whatever I wanted it to be; a free-style improvisation based on whatever I wanted to express through movement -- synchronized in any way I wanted. I was thrilled to experience this freedom of movement, self- and other-acceptance, and self-expression while having fun. I was intrigued, so I went back again yesterday. I realized that this type of dancing went beyond just having fun. As I continued dancing, I realized that I was experiencing a deeper joy as my needs for community, shared-experience and healing were met. Healing? I was surprised by the last one -- healing (i.e. growth, learning).

My experience is that through dance, the jackals*** have little recourse but to show themselves, providing a unique opportunity for healing -- somehow transforming them so that they don't control me. Of course, the first step towards healing is to become aware of the thought -- to observe the jackal and to hear what it is saying. Here's a short list of some of my jackals that came up during different times:

* "What am I doing, I look stupid doing this?"
* "I don't know how to dance."
* "Do I fit in here? Am I doing it right?"
* "I'm not wearing the right clothes. I need wilder more edgy ones."
* "That's bizzare! What are those people doing on the floor gazing in each other's eyes barely touching each other?"
* "Those men are in a circle breathing intentionally louder. Weird."

So, traditional NVC would suggest several rounds of empathy for each jackal thought (i.e. listening for possible feelings and needs). For instance, "Jackal, are you feeling anxious because you are wanting acceptance?" But my experience was that through dance, as so many of my needs were getting met, that the jackals had no power over me. As the critical thoughts came up, I'd hear them, smiled and I just kept dancing. It seemed as though, the needs themselves took care of the jackals with little effort of my own. Or maybe, given my pre-disposition to value my needs as divine gifts from a loving creator that I fully embrace and celebrate, that the jackals have no power over me? It seemed to me that the jackals were trying to "steal" the experience of the moment away from me; but as I celebrated the beauty of my life experience in the moment of dancing, that something that transcended me took care of the jackals and gave me the ability to live life to its fullest -- at least in the moment.

There were times when I looked around the room and smiled widely, as I thought of King David in ancient times dancing in ways that I am guessing were similar to the dancing going on in that room. And that he, like us were celebrating the gift of life and feeling deeply grateful, worshipful. This gift from a loving God that wants us to live a life of abundance, as that life, love and spirit comes alive within me --> It really makes me want to DANCE!!!


*** Jackals are critical/judgmental thoughts directed inwardly towards ourselves, or outwardly towards others.