On Prayer

A friend of mine of 10 years recently asked me if I wanted to be his "prayer partner". Since, I've been checking on all of my assumptions this year, I asked him what he meant by that. He said that prayer was his way to acknowledge his connection to God, to give thanks for everything, to acknowledge what was going on in his life, to ask for things that he wanted, and finally to let go of the outcome. By "God", he meant the "divine being" that created him and everything around us.

I was ok with those definitions, but I wanted to clarify a few things with him. I wanted to acknowledge the creator, which gave me the following gifts that I would be using in our prayer time: the power of reason that allows me to make observations and make requests (i.e. the "mind"), and the feelings and needs that were given to me and give me life (i.e. the "heart").

I connect to God through plain-old-conversation, especially by saying what is alive for me in the moment; and he could help me by listening and reflecting what I said (i.e. to give me "empathy"). Then, if he wanted, he could tell me what was stimulated inside him after hearing what I said (i.e. to give me his "honesty"). We could then switch roles.

When I acknowledged things in my life, I might start with an observation of something that happened, and then say how I felt and the need that was associated with the feeling. The feelings are an internal indicator, which tell me if the need is being met or not.

When I asked for things that I wanted, I would be sure to say the need that would be met, and perhaps to suggest a strategy to meet the need.

I have found that it is important to differentiate between the strategy and the need. For example, I've been wanting more connection in my life (i.e. the need is "connection"). There are numerous strategies to meet that need: calling a friend, getting together with a friend, "Skype" a friend, joining an NVC practice group, going out on a date, inviting people over, prayer, meditation, ...

My requests would be clear and present, directed towards God, towards him or others, or towards myself. For example, "would I be willing to call a friend tomorrow morning to set up a lunch date on Tuesday?"

We realized that the concepts behind our descriptions were close. Once we came to an agreement on what prayer was to be for us, I asked him about the "partner" part, and what his expectations might be. He said that he would like to talk at least once a week. I acknowledged his desire for connection, but that I couldn't sign up to a fixed schedule because it would take the joy and spontaneity out of our connection. And, I wouldn't want to make an agreement that I likely would not keep because of my need for integrity and respect. He told me that he was a little confused, so I suggested the following strategy. That he could call me when he felt like praying and/or connecting, and I would answer if I could or get back to him that same day to let him know if I was up to talking; or if I was in the middle of something else, I would suggest a time when we could talk. Then he would let me know if that worked for him.

This seemed to work for us, so we agreed to do it. Funny thing is that we have been doing it this way already. This verse came to mind:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."